Talking About Life Insurance
The First Step to Protect Your Family
By Katherine Bontrager

It isn't an easy topic to talk about. It's awkward, heavy and at times confusing. And it most certainly isn't the first thing on your mind – after all, that position is firmly taken up by your new little one. But life insurance is incredibly important, and all new parents need to assess or even re-assess how they'd be covered if tragedy were to strike.

Robin Nolan of Carson City, Nev., knew how vital life insurance was – her father worked in finance and real estate and educated his daughter early on about the importance of being covered. "And before we got married, my husband, Andy, and I met with the minister," she says. "She recommended an 'advance health care directive' in case one of us had something catastrophic happen, so immediately, in the middle of all this happy planning, we were forced to think about reality and make some hard choices."

Since the two were already discussing a living will, talking about life insurance wasn't too much of a stretch. "I had a policy from when I was a teenager, but when my husband and I got married we decided to get him a life insurance policy at the same time we were getting the advance health care directive drawn up," says Nolan.

The discussion was an easy one for the Nolans – not to mention timely, considering they got pregnant soon after their wedding day. "We just had to have it so if anything happened, the children would be taken care of," she says. "We would need some sustainable income to get through a death, working or not, and to provide for the little ones."

Luckily, Nolan worked for an insurance lawyer at the time, so the family was familiar with the different companies and varying insurance choices. "I simply contacted the guy at my life insurance company, evaluated a variety of options and we determined that for Andy, we would 'rent' life insurance – which is what term life is – with a premium paid quarterly for protection."

Now, Nolan's husband has life insurance through his job, but the family still maintains his separate policy because it's inexpensive since he's young and healthy. And the importance of coverage is one the Nolans have discovered firsthand.

"My husband and I had our first child 10 months after we were married, by which time we had our policies in place," says Nolan. "Then sadly, my brother died unexpectedly when our baby was only 3 weeks old. My brother had a life insurance policy that came into play that he'd established 'just in case' for his 9-year-old daughter. It was a good, smart move that he did have such a policy so she could be cared for – when she goes off to college or whatever – over and above the social security her mother gets that sustains his daughter's daily living needs and expenses."
A Hard Topic for Most
For many, the conversation about life insurance won't be as simple as it was for the Nolans. "Though it's a hard topic, life insurance is important and should be brought up in a matter-of-fact way," says Karen Sherman, co-author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, Make It Last (Authorhouse, 2004) and a practicing psychologist in New York.

Sherman says that the topic of insurance, though cumbersome, can be discussed simply: Now that there's a family, there's a need for greater protection. "Moms can tell dads that they'd like to explore the possibilities," she says. "A good way to start is probably to talk to other moms and ask if they have insurance, and if so, what kind. There are a lot of different types out there, so it's important to get an education. Then interview agents who are recommended to make informed decisions."

How one speaks about life insurance depends a lot on the relationship, says Nan Andrews Amish, a management consultant, facilitator, professional speaker and business coach in El Granada, Calif. "If the relationship is a relationship of equals, then starting the discussion about a financial risk might be as simple as that," she says. "Losing the income of breadwinner or the support of a stay-at-home parent is a financial risk much greater than the risk of fire or an auto accident. There's much more at stake."

In other words, your house and car are insured, so why shouldn't you be? Granted, this conversation is more complicated than obtaining coverage for a car or home. And Andrews Amish acknowledges that the subject can get emotional.

"Putting a monetary value on a relationship seems crass, but it's about survival," Andrews Amish says. "No loving husband I know would want his wife and young child to not only deal with the death of their spouse/dad [but also] have to worry about how to pay the rent/mortgage and keep food on the table. But without life insurance, that's exactly what happens. If Mom has to get a job, then the child loses both Mom and Dad in a way. Or if Mom needs to get a second job, the child loses." And similarly, no loving mom would want Dad to work overtime to pay for childcare, Andres Amish says. "It's bad enough to have emotional pain, but to have to deal with financial shock at the same time is terrible."
Protecting Yourself
But if all sensible conversations lead nowhere, Andrews Amish advises moms to take matters into their own hands. "Mom, if Dad pooh-poohs the idea, then you can purchase a policy on Dad's life," she says. "You can own it. He does need to sign it. But if he feels it's stupid, you still need to take care of yourself. Do what you must. Pay for it out of your money or out of the grocery fund, or whatever you need to protect yourself."

Once you've clearly established a need for purchasing life insurance, where should you go from there? The next step demands you assess a number of things. What is your current income? How much will be needed for future day-to-day expenses?

According to the Life and Health Insurance Foundation for Education (LIFE), a nonprofit organization dedicated to informing the public about the role of life and health insurance, industry experts recommend that people have 10 to 20 times their annual income in coverage. The LIFE Web site has an interactive life insurance needs calculator that can help determine how much coverage is right for you.

Despite industry standards, LIFE recommends new parents evaluate their personal needs with a qualified insurance professional. After all, you've cleared the hurdle of discussing life insurance with your spouse – an important and often awkward step. The rest of the process of finding a qualified insurance professional and getting properly insured should be a breeze.

Original article on iparenting.com